Thursday, March 4, 2010

Moving or delaying?

He's supposed to have moved out already. From Sunday, he dragged till Thursday. From Thursday, he requested for a few more days due to some delay.

It'll be sad to see him move, of course. But if he doesn't, our new life doesn't start. It can't start. Memories will be placed in my heart, I think. Some occasional good ones and many bad ones. He is still an immediate family; we are still related by blood. It is hard to watch the whole story unfold from the start. The horrible things we had gone through just because of one person's mistakes.

I don't know, I'm confused.


She's back into her house, not awake yet though. She needs to stay strong and wake up soon. Everyone is waiting. As her niece, I hope for her health to be back like before. Wake up, dear Aunt.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

"You always keep everything to yourself, you know?"

Finally, December is here. I have just turned 18, and soon, I'm going to be 19. It's unfair how short the time that I have being 18. Gee.

My classmate said that to me, the title of this post, I meant. What's so good about knowing everything, seriously? Not that I'm affected by the statement in anyway. But, isn't it enough just seeing the person standing in front of you healthy and happy? Having the knowledge of every single thing that is going on is not something good. See what I knew previously and what shit it got me into? Haha!

I don't think that I'm a lonely person. It is just that I have the tendency of keeping things to myself. I don't want to tell someone everything, and that person has to bear the burden of knowing something which can be so heavy and suffocating.

I'm suddenly back to drawing. I want to try drawing different things now, like real humans. Maybe I should try based on photos of my friends. Ha! I'll be like a stalker if I do so! But, oh well~ ;)

Julie and Julia was interesting. Quite a unique way of filming, cutting between scenes of the different period of time. Kind of reminds me of Pulp Fiction. For one moment, I forgot what that movie was called. Amy Adam's part was a little dry, but Meryl Streep was as entertaining as ever.

Japanese lessons are not exactly great, but still good. I just dislike the speed of the lessons. At times, he is patient and slow in teaching, making sure that we really absorb what he is teaching. However, he rushes too much when he realized that our class is lagging behind the lesson plans. So, I kind of blanked out and nothing seemed to go in at all. I need more intense lectures. I want to learn. I want to be able to speak Japanese soon. I want to speak Japanese fluently.

All I want for Christmas is my two front tooth.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Can Humans live without friends?

Just stating a basic fact: I do have a close group of friends, so I'm not a total loner.

I've been wondering about that statement for quite some time. I feel that having to communicate constantly and meeting up often is tiring. I'm not a people's person; I might not be suitable for the industry I'm heading towards. Maybe I should hide somewhere where contact with humans are minimal.

The more you get to know someone, the more disgusted you'll feel about people, as a whole. Like how reliant some people are, how often you are used by others, the times where poor communication erupts in misunderstandings and any amount of explanations are always not enough. It is exhausting.

I'm sick, of communication. My head hurts. I feel faint.

On the bright side, I'm finally catching Julie and Julia on Friday. It's going to be off the cinemas very soon in Singapore, so I need to catch it before then!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I'm scared, actually.

I think I need a dog. Either that, or I need a hole in the floor. I need a ear. I don't need a reply or console, I just want to talk.

A new semester is going to start tomorrow. I'm used to those sickening gossips, but I'm not sure how to handle them successfully. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. They say gossips die in 7 weeks. By now, hopefully it's gone. Haha!

I think I'm not a good daughter. I'm ashamed of myself. Various reasons make me feel so disappointed in myself. It is hard to do anything now that things are like this. I try to ignore everything, which doesn't solve the problem. Trust, I believe, is difficult to regain, especially after years. Karma will get back at me for this, definitely, and I would not blame anyone except myself.


See, that's why I need a listener.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


If I'm in a Superhero action pack movie, I want my own unique power.

To be able to draw out identical weapons and skills from characters in comic books is what I want. I can have Sode no Shirayuki or Senbonzakura in my hands when I fight. I think Zangetsu is too heavy for me! Not only from Bleach, I can utilize the skills and intelligence of Negi Sensei, power up my attacks with the help of Tsuna or create magical barriers like Yoshimori.

Heck it, I can attain physical strength from those of Street Fighter or fly on the clouds with those Dragon Ball punks. Hahaha, this is getting crazy.

Oh whatever, I think I'll be invincible with this skill. No other heroes can outdo me. ;)

Monday, October 5, 2009


Sometimes, it is hard to persevere on with problems running through your head. Should we trust that they are harmless, or decide to get hurt by them.

Even I comment on others behind-their-backs; I don't know whether commenting is as bad as gossiping? I should be used to everything and look on the bright side. By the end of the day, I feel that I might have trusting issues, which is something I fear. I absolutely do not want to live in suspicion everyday; it is too tiring.

"Harmless; they are harmless."

I am someone with limited attention span. That's why I always leave things undone. For example, learning Japanese has been dragging on and on for months. I haven't even memorized the basic Hiragana; I'm trying to learn them again. Wish me luck.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ding Ding Ding.

How I wish humans are like characters in RPG games. We can level up according to our experiences and things we learned. Leveling up will also enable us to learn new things and upgrade ourselves.

Currently, I'm playing a game, Bleach - The 3rd Phantom DS. My characters level up when they train or when they are battling. Points are earned during the leveling process and can be exchanged for skills or upgrades.

Like humans, they can't learn two things at once; you are only allowed to learn a skill or upgrade a skill one at a time. You can't be greedy in upgrading all too. Out of three routes, you are allowed to choose to fully maximise only two of them.

How are we similar? For example, learning two different languages at a time confuses us, decreasing our learning ability.

Why the sudden aspiration to link gaming characters and humans, you might wonder.

I realized that I am constantly doing things I dislike to people. It was only until one of them made me realize. I complained that people do things that I dislike to me, and yet, I am doing those things to others! How careless of me to not be able to see these.

I want to improve, and I can only do so through learning experiences in life. That set me thinking about humans and game characters. I want to level up. I want my personality and humanity to be upgraded constantly. I want to learn new skills. I can't only learn from setbacks and mistakes forever. It means that I have to go through a lot of them to be able to level up. I want to find a comfortable method to learn; one that allows me to be happy throughout this lifelong learning process.