Can Humans live without friends?

Just stating a basic fact: I do have a close group of friends, so I'm not a total loner.

I've been wondering about that statement for quite some time. I feel that having to communicate constantly and meeting up often is tiring. I'm not a people's person; I might not be suitable for the industry I'm heading towards. Maybe I should hide somewhere where contact with humans are minimal.

The more you get to know someone, the more disgusted you'll feel about people, as a whole. Like how reliant some people are, how often you are used by others, the times where poor communication erupts in misunderstandings and any amount of explanations are always not enough. It is exhausting.

I'm sick, of communication. My head hurts. I feel faint.

On the bright side, I'm finally catching Julie and Julia on Friday. It's going to be off the cinemas very soon in Singapore, so I need to catch it before then!

I'mma DJ, yo.

It is hard to live,
But it is harder to please.

Almost one semester of peace,
with things starting to ease.

Now again with this,
I wonder what I'll really miss.

Rumours are flying, again. Me, surprise surprise. Backstabbing bitch this time round. Hahaha, sounds like some old news to me. So I can't be trusted again, eh? This time round, I suspect it's a different person starting this shit once more.

I admit, I'm a bitch. Who's not one? Life's a bitch too. People don't even share secrets with me, how can I let the cat out of the bag. Normal conversational things they say, it is not a secret, I feel. They didn't label it obviously with, "This is a secret," or more liberally with, "Please don't tell anyone." If they don't want non-secretive things to get out, just don't say it. Be like me. Keep everything in.

Disappointment in self stays forever.

Tres Tres Chic.

Catching half of Angels and Demons wasn't half as bad I had imagined it to be. (Pun intended.) Before questions arise, I missed the whole first half of the movie because I was rushing to finish up a scrapbook with a friend for another friend's birthday. Whew, now I said that complicating sentence.

Back to Angels and Demons, it was quite successful in letting people get hooked on guessing who is the mastermind of all the evil doings. I guessed correctly from where I started watching, after a friend kindly summarised the first half for me in the cinema. Doubted myself a few times, but turned out to be right. The movie is a bit predictable, other than the mastermind thingy.

Paid $10 for a Sunday ticket, but only watched $5 worth. I was still saying I will not watch Angels and Demons since it looks so boring. Twist of fate in life. That happens to me every time. Should I spend my time catching the first part of the movie again? I wonder. Time is tight for these few days, or rather, weeks. Rushing and rushing, for everything.

My favourite soundtrack : The Devil Wears Prada.
Random, I know, but oh well. :)

Timetable.

Popularity is something everyone wants but something not everyone has.

Just finished reading this book, How To Be Cool, a NOVEL, not self-improvement book. It's by Johanna Edwards. Quite an interesting book, talking about views from plumper people, which is seldom seen by me. Easy to read and it grabs your attention. However, it is not one of those I'm-gonna-suck-you-into-me books, which is a bit of a pity.

Let's face it. No one wants to be a loser with no friends. You want proof? Those who wants to be a friendless loser please raise up your hands! See, no one, unless you raise your hand and look into the mirror or web cam, whatever.

Despite trying to be "cool" about not having as many friends like others, it is still hard. I'll still find myself checking my MSN window to see whether I have a new email from Facebook or Blogger. Or maybe even my mobile phone for new messages. Disappointment comes when there's totally nothing; it feels like no one cares or bothers about you.

Trust me, I know that feeling. Yup, I have friends, of course, but really close ones? A few. Hopefully they see me as one too. Think about it, most of the time everyone is actually alone. Alone alone. Something like everyone-is-around-me-but-I-still-feel-lonely alone.

Sometimes a single sentence or word may trigger a thought in your mind that maybe sounds like, Hey, am I an outcast or a left out? No worries, I tell myself often, that might not be true, although it seems true, sounds true or feels true.

It's tiring to think that every single moment. So let's take a step back from those nasty thoughts and look on the bright side, trust your friends. If you get hurt in the future, then they are the losers who judge people instead of accepting them for who they are.

:)

Providing Effective Leadership.

That's the chapter I'm having a test on tomorrow.

A friend told me today, "No matter how good you are to them, they'll only remember the bad." Or something like that. It makes sense though, but I still believe in being good to others, I think. I'll try to do that, but whether or not I succeed, it depends. :S

Back to studying! D:

No way, man!

Oh great, I actually managed to miss Yes Man! Yes, I'm disappointed about it, but on the other hand, I would trying getting this movie with other means. (Yes, I'm not saying what way I am using.)

2009 has been quite kind to me, and I am very thankful for that. This year started well for me and I've learnt quite a few things about life:

- I have friends who appreciate me and accepted me for who I was. A really big thank you to them. I am really grateful towards them. I'll try to improve and be a better person before things happen again. (Touch wood.) I must learn to not talk but listen and keep quiet more often.

- Being 18 is no big deal, especially when your birthday happens in November. Only in November, I'll be of legal age. Now, I can only see everyone around me buy stuff like alcohol while I sulk. Haha! It's not that bad, I can get people to buy it for me instead. But, it's an additional step needed. Oh well~

- Rich people don't always live in a big room and have a huge bed, especially when you are in another country and staying with your relatives. I was kind of shocked. I didn't expect such a small space, but I have to admit it is kind of cosy. Although it is a small room, things inside worth a bomb considered to those of my room. What can I expect? :)

- Life is supposed to be stressful for me now, like it is for everyone in my class. However, I am not feeling the pressure yet, and I wonder if it is a good sign or not. I am not stressed, but there are 7 ICAs (aka projects and tests) coming up soon, very soon. Right after those seven, my exams will be tagging along. I need to work harder.

A note to myself: I wanna meet Meryl Streep and chat with her about everything under the sun/moon/stars/planets/milkyway/blackhole or whatever, just everything. :(

Fly Away.

After all that 'commotion', I'm here, once again.

Yes, it's my fault, everything is my fault, everything including those that's their fault are also my fault. They ditched me, so I ditched being scared. Talking things out might not be the best way out, people. Oh ya, being not-as-vocal-or-outspoken-as-them is also bad. No one is asking them to understand what I am thinking totally. It's just that when I don't speak, it doesn't mean I'm pissed everytime. Oh, come on, everyone has their quiet, little time to themselves randomly. I'm not the same, so I must be leave.

Okay, enough about that. Term break was right after the let-me-try-talk-things-out-with-them and it is ending in around 2 hours? Noooooooooo! I wasted my holidays, once again. Well, not really, I guess.

Yey, I went over the borders to Malaysia for a day of shopping!
Yey, I bought a cheap top there!
Yey, I bought chewing gums and bubble gums!
Yey, we bought shows!
Yey, we ate cheap and good food!
Yey, I went Christmas shopping with my sister back in Singapore!
Yey, I bought another top!
Yey, we managed to buy the presents!
Yey, I watched Madagascar 2, but not in the movies!
Yey, I didn't go for secret santa and things got even worse!
Yey, Christmas party with my secondary school friends was good!
Yey, Christmas lunch with my family was good!
Yey, I bought a pair of sandals and a pair of slippers!
Yey, I managed to download The Devil Wears Prada ebook from online!
Yey, I rid my laptop of a small virus!
Boo, school is starting!

Uptown Girl

I'm holding on, or rather, trying to hold on. To what? To the friendship we have, to the clique we are in. Splitting will come gradually, if no one decides to do anything about it. How I wish things will go back to the way it is before, but we know that it is impossible with all the thorns within our hearts. Sad, but that is true, and I don't know whether we all feel the same or not.

A classmate told me that girl cliques always have this kind of problems. Oh well, how true. One problem just ended, and another come right along. It is not only teenagers who have this problem, even adults face this crap too. Shocking to some people, but it is a cruel world. Oh man~

Anyway, I've neither started reading 'The Devil Wears Prada' nor watched Madagascar. That is a huge disappointment for me. Look on the bright side, as in my bright side, holidays are coming! Not exactly that bright though, with all the projects tagging along. 2/3 of my clique (oh wow) will be having a secretive Christmas party with some of my other classmates. It is a secretive party, so there will be secret Santa!

Hohoho! Merry Christmas! :) Stay happy, everyone!