Can Humans live without friends?

Just stating a basic fact: I do have a close group of friends, so I'm not a total loner.

I've been wondering about that statement for quite some time. I feel that having to communicate constantly and meeting up often is tiring. I'm not a people's person; I might not be suitable for the industry I'm heading towards. Maybe I should hide somewhere where contact with humans are minimal.

The more you get to know someone, the more disgusted you'll feel about people, as a whole. Like how reliant some people are, how often you are used by others, the times where poor communication erupts in misunderstandings and any amount of explanations are always not enough. It is exhausting.

I'm sick, of communication. My head hurts. I feel faint.

On the bright side, I'm finally catching Julie and Julia on Friday. It's going to be off the cinemas very soon in Singapore, so I need to catch it before then!

I'm scared, actually.

I think I need a dog. Either that, or I need a hole in the floor. I need a ear. I don't need a reply or console, I just want to talk.

A new semester is going to start tomorrow. I'm used to those sickening gossips, but I'm not sure how to handle them successfully. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. They say gossips die in 7 weeks. By now, hopefully it's gone. Haha!

I think I'm not a good daughter. I'm ashamed of myself. Various reasons make me feel so disappointed in myself. It is hard to do anything now that things are like this. I try to ignore everything, which doesn't solve the problem. Trust, I believe, is difficult to regain, especially after years. Karma will get back at me for this, definitely, and I would not blame anyone except myself.

:\

See, that's why I need a listener.

Movie.

If I'm in a Superhero action pack movie, I want my own unique power.

To be able to draw out identical weapons and skills from characters in comic books is what I want. I can have Sode no Shirayuki or Senbonzakura in my hands when I fight. I think Zangetsu is too heavy for me! Not only from Bleach, I can utilize the skills and intelligence of Negi Sensei, power up my attacks with the help of Tsuna or create magical barriers like Yoshimori.

Heck it, I can attain physical strength from those of Street Fighter or fly on the clouds with those Dragon Ball punks. Hahaha, this is getting crazy.

Oh whatever, I think I'll be invincible with this skill. No other heroes can outdo me. ;)

Hiragana.

Sometimes, it is hard to persevere on with problems running through your head. Should we trust that they are harmless, or decide to get hurt by them.

Even I comment on others behind-their-backs; I don't know whether commenting is as bad as gossiping? I should be used to everything and look on the bright side. By the end of the day, I feel that I might have trusting issues, which is something I fear. I absolutely do not want to live in suspicion everyday; it is too tiring.

"Harmless; they are harmless."

I am someone with limited attention span. That's why I always leave things undone. For example, learning Japanese has been dragging on and on for months. I haven't even memorized the basic Hiragana; I'm trying to learn them again. Wish me luck.

Ding Ding Ding.

How I wish humans are like characters in RPG games. We can level up according to our experiences and things we learned. Leveling up will also enable us to learn new things and upgrade ourselves.

Currently, I'm playing a game, Bleach - The 3rd Phantom DS. My characters level up when they train or when they are battling. Points are earned during the leveling process and can be exchanged for skills or upgrades.

Like humans, they can't learn two things at once; you are only allowed to learn a skill or upgrade a skill one at a time. You can't be greedy in upgrading all too. Out of three routes, you are allowed to choose to fully maximise only two of them.

How are we similar? For example, learning two different languages at a time confuses us, decreasing our learning ability.

Why the sudden aspiration to link gaming characters and humans, you might wonder.

I realized that I am constantly doing things I dislike to people. It was only until one of them made me realize. I complained that people do things that I dislike to me, and yet, I am doing those things to others! How careless of me to not be able to see these.

I want to improve, and I can only do so through learning experiences in life. That set me thinking about humans and game characters. I want to level up. I want my personality and humanity to be upgraded constantly. I want to learn new skills. I can't only learn from setbacks and mistakes forever. It means that I have to go through a lot of them to be able to level up. I want to find a comfortable method to learn; one that allows me to be happy throughout this lifelong learning process.

Anna Sui's Secret Wish

Sometimes I feel lonely. But at other times, I feel the serenity within me. The freedom, the individuality, the peace from within, and the happiness of being alone is hard to describe.

Started Tweeting, after leaving my account stagnant since registration. There.

I'mma DJ, yo.

It is hard to live,
But it is harder to please.

Almost one semester of peace,
with things starting to ease.

Now again with this,
I wonder what I'll really miss.

Rumours are flying, again. Me, surprise surprise. Backstabbing bitch this time round. Hahaha, sounds like some old news to me. So I can't be trusted again, eh? This time round, I suspect it's a different person starting this shit once more.

I admit, I'm a bitch. Who's not one? Life's a bitch too. People don't even share secrets with me, how can I let the cat out of the bag. Normal conversational things they say, it is not a secret, I feel. They didn't label it obviously with, "This is a secret," or more liberally with, "Please don't tell anyone." If they don't want non-secretive things to get out, just don't say it. Be like me. Keep everything in.

Disappointment in self stays forever.