"You always keep everything to yourself, you know?"

Finally, December is here. I have just turned 18, and soon, I'm going to be 19. It's unfair how short the time that I have being 18. Gee.

My classmate said that to me, the title of this post, I meant. What's so good about knowing everything, seriously? Not that I'm affected by the statement in anyway. But, isn't it enough just seeing the person standing in front of you healthy and happy? Having the knowledge of every single thing that is going on is not something good. See what I knew previously and what shit it got me into? Haha!

I don't think that I'm a lonely person. It is just that I have the tendency of keeping things to myself. I don't want to tell someone everything, and that person has to bear the burden of knowing something which can be so heavy and suffocating.

I'm suddenly back to drawing. I want to try drawing different things now, like real humans. Maybe I should try based on photos of my friends. Ha! I'll be like a stalker if I do so! But, oh well~ ;)

Julie and Julia was interesting. Quite a unique way of filming, cutting between scenes of the different period of time. Kind of reminds me of Pulp Fiction. For one moment, I forgot what that movie was called. Amy Adam's part was a little dry, but Meryl Streep was as entertaining as ever.

Japanese lessons are not exactly great, but still good. I just dislike the speed of the lessons. At times, he is patient and slow in teaching, making sure that we really absorb what he is teaching. However, he rushes too much when he realized that our class is lagging behind the lesson plans. So, I kind of blanked out and nothing seemed to go in at all. I need more intense lectures. I want to learn. I want to be able to speak Japanese soon. I want to speak Japanese fluently.

All I want for Christmas is my two front tooth.

Can Humans live without friends?

Just stating a basic fact: I do have a close group of friends, so I'm not a total loner.

I've been wondering about that statement for quite some time. I feel that having to communicate constantly and meeting up often is tiring. I'm not a people's person; I might not be suitable for the industry I'm heading towards. Maybe I should hide somewhere where contact with humans are minimal.

The more you get to know someone, the more disgusted you'll feel about people, as a whole. Like how reliant some people are, how often you are used by others, the times where poor communication erupts in misunderstandings and any amount of explanations are always not enough. It is exhausting.

I'm sick, of communication. My head hurts. I feel faint.

On the bright side, I'm finally catching Julie and Julia on Friday. It's going to be off the cinemas very soon in Singapore, so I need to catch it before then!

I'm scared, actually.

I think I need a dog. Either that, or I need a hole in the floor. I need a ear. I don't need a reply or console, I just want to talk.

A new semester is going to start tomorrow. I'm used to those sickening gossips, but I'm not sure how to handle them successfully. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. They say gossips die in 7 weeks. By now, hopefully it's gone. Haha!

I think I'm not a good daughter. I'm ashamed of myself. Various reasons make me feel so disappointed in myself. It is hard to do anything now that things are like this. I try to ignore everything, which doesn't solve the problem. Trust, I believe, is difficult to regain, especially after years. Karma will get back at me for this, definitely, and I would not blame anyone except myself.

:\

See, that's why I need a listener.

Movie.

If I'm in a Superhero action pack movie, I want my own unique power.

To be able to draw out identical weapons and skills from characters in comic books is what I want. I can have Sode no Shirayuki or Senbonzakura in my hands when I fight. I think Zangetsu is too heavy for me! Not only from Bleach, I can utilize the skills and intelligence of Negi Sensei, power up my attacks with the help of Tsuna or create magical barriers like Yoshimori.

Heck it, I can attain physical strength from those of Street Fighter or fly on the clouds with those Dragon Ball punks. Hahaha, this is getting crazy.

Oh whatever, I think I'll be invincible with this skill. No other heroes can outdo me. ;)

Hiragana.

Sometimes, it is hard to persevere on with problems running through your head. Should we trust that they are harmless, or decide to get hurt by them.

Even I comment on others behind-their-backs; I don't know whether commenting is as bad as gossiping? I should be used to everything and look on the bright side. By the end of the day, I feel that I might have trusting issues, which is something I fear. I absolutely do not want to live in suspicion everyday; it is too tiring.

"Harmless; they are harmless."

I am someone with limited attention span. That's why I always leave things undone. For example, learning Japanese has been dragging on and on for months. I haven't even memorized the basic Hiragana; I'm trying to learn them again. Wish me luck.

Ding Ding Ding.

How I wish humans are like characters in RPG games. We can level up according to our experiences and things we learned. Leveling up will also enable us to learn new things and upgrade ourselves.

Currently, I'm playing a game, Bleach - The 3rd Phantom DS. My characters level up when they train or when they are battling. Points are earned during the leveling process and can be exchanged for skills or upgrades.

Like humans, they can't learn two things at once; you are only allowed to learn a skill or upgrade a skill one at a time. You can't be greedy in upgrading all too. Out of three routes, you are allowed to choose to fully maximise only two of them.

How are we similar? For example, learning two different languages at a time confuses us, decreasing our learning ability.

Why the sudden aspiration to link gaming characters and humans, you might wonder.

I realized that I am constantly doing things I dislike to people. It was only until one of them made me realize. I complained that people do things that I dislike to me, and yet, I am doing those things to others! How careless of me to not be able to see these.

I want to improve, and I can only do so through learning experiences in life. That set me thinking about humans and game characters. I want to level up. I want my personality and humanity to be upgraded constantly. I want to learn new skills. I can't only learn from setbacks and mistakes forever. It means that I have to go through a lot of them to be able to level up. I want to find a comfortable method to learn; one that allows me to be happy throughout this lifelong learning process.

Anna Sui's Secret Wish

Sometimes I feel lonely. But at other times, I feel the serenity within me. The freedom, the individuality, the peace from within, and the happiness of being alone is hard to describe.

Started Tweeting, after leaving my account stagnant since registration. There.

I'mma DJ, yo.

It is hard to live,
But it is harder to please.

Almost one semester of peace,
with things starting to ease.

Now again with this,
I wonder what I'll really miss.

Rumours are flying, again. Me, surprise surprise. Backstabbing bitch this time round. Hahaha, sounds like some old news to me. So I can't be trusted again, eh? This time round, I suspect it's a different person starting this shit once more.

I admit, I'm a bitch. Who's not one? Life's a bitch too. People don't even share secrets with me, how can I let the cat out of the bag. Normal conversational things they say, it is not a secret, I feel. They didn't label it obviously with, "This is a secret," or more liberally with, "Please don't tell anyone." If they don't want non-secretive things to get out, just don't say it. Be like me. Keep everything in.

Disappointment in self stays forever.

I can only do a 'words' post now. Reason being Blogger is screwed up. Oh well, once again, it suits my url. ;) I have so many movies I want to watch, and that is nothing new!

I watched Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (always can't get it right), Labor Pains, New in Town, Sunshine Cleaning, When Harry Met Sally and maybe a few more movies (which I can't recall) during my absence from this blog. I'll share some quick movie reviews!

Ponyo was nice, it had a simple concept but was able to reach out to my heart. The director-cum-artist-cum-writer was the same person who did Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle and so on! I'm inspired to watch Howl's Moving Castle again!

Labor Pain, starring Lindsay Lohan, how can I miss out on watching it? :D No matter what people say about her, I still think she is very gorgeous! Alright, the movie concept was very similar to the one produced in Hong Kong years ago starring Miriam Yang. Film wise, it was kind of identical. However, there was a twist in the story that was quite refreshing and unexpected. So, watch it for yourself to know it!

New in Town, Renee Zellweger, totally hilarious. This film totally captured my attention without fail for the whole time. Although there are parts in the trailer that wasn't in the film, which made me a little disappointed, humor was brought out in a style I liked a lot. A little predictable, but I enjoyed the good laugh, definitely worth a watch!

Sunshine Cleaning uses dark humor. Some parts were funny, while the rest of the film is mostly in a serious mood. Not really considered a comedy from what I thought, more like a drama? There is a meaning to the film. I was expecting it to be totally hilarious with the combination of Amy Adams and Emily Blunt. I had my hopes too high, maybe that's why. Whatever. I still sat through and enjoyed the whole movie.

When Harry met Sally. I know, I know, it is an old show. But it is kind of like a classic, I feel. I laughed and I cried during the movie. I like the way the movie is portrayed, segments and segments of different periods of time. It gave a very unique feel to the film. You watch it and you will feel this, 'Again? Oh man, just get together for Chris' sake!' Not in a bad way though. You will miss out a lot if you didn't watch it.

That's all! :D

Open House.

I love musicals. They bring pleasure into my life. Currently into Rock Musical Bleach. A Japanese musical based on the comic series, Bleach.

I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic again. I think I will not get sick of this movie, like The Devil Wears Prada. Nanny Diaries was quite nice too. The kid is cute, and I like the way the movie started.

It makes me think about the ways I can make a movie in the future, if it is possible. Humor is definitely my type, or rather, sarcasm.

I dreamt of something interesting and action-packed. My lecturer as a cool and attractive gun-woman, or however you describe someone who uses a gun. Quite a cool dream if someone doesn't wake you up when it is the most crucial part. It feels like a movie scene. :)

Rumor Has It.

Honorary Degree! Don't she look cute in the gown plus sunglasses? Hahaha!

Mama lemon.

I'm not lying, it is freaking hot here in Singapore. I'm going to be roasted alive like damn soon. I wonder "oooze gonna save us" from the heat?

I want to watch Monsters vs. Aliens! I heard that it's "damn, bloody funny"!

Dear God,

Please shower me with money.

Amen.

Btw, I'm a freethinker and I believe that freethinkers have the freedom to pray too!

Tres Tres Chic.

Catching half of Angels and Demons wasn't half as bad I had imagined it to be. (Pun intended.) Before questions arise, I missed the whole first half of the movie because I was rushing to finish up a scrapbook with a friend for another friend's birthday. Whew, now I said that complicating sentence.

Back to Angels and Demons, it was quite successful in letting people get hooked on guessing who is the mastermind of all the evil doings. I guessed correctly from where I started watching, after a friend kindly summarised the first half for me in the cinema. Doubted myself a few times, but turned out to be right. The movie is a bit predictable, other than the mastermind thingy.

Paid $10 for a Sunday ticket, but only watched $5 worth. I was still saying I will not watch Angels and Demons since it looks so boring. Twist of fate in life. That happens to me every time. Should I spend my time catching the first part of the movie again? I wonder. Time is tight for these few days, or rather, weeks. Rushing and rushing, for everything.

My favourite soundtrack : The Devil Wears Prada.
Random, I know, but oh well. :)

Timetable.

Popularity is something everyone wants but something not everyone has.

Just finished reading this book, How To Be Cool, a NOVEL, not self-improvement book. It's by Johanna Edwards. Quite an interesting book, talking about views from plumper people, which is seldom seen by me. Easy to read and it grabs your attention. However, it is not one of those I'm-gonna-suck-you-into-me books, which is a bit of a pity.

Let's face it. No one wants to be a loser with no friends. You want proof? Those who wants to be a friendless loser please raise up your hands! See, no one, unless you raise your hand and look into the mirror or web cam, whatever.

Despite trying to be "cool" about not having as many friends like others, it is still hard. I'll still find myself checking my MSN window to see whether I have a new email from Facebook or Blogger. Or maybe even my mobile phone for new messages. Disappointment comes when there's totally nothing; it feels like no one cares or bothers about you.

Trust me, I know that feeling. Yup, I have friends, of course, but really close ones? A few. Hopefully they see me as one too. Think about it, most of the time everyone is actually alone. Alone alone. Something like everyone-is-around-me-but-I-still-feel-lonely alone.

Sometimes a single sentence or word may trigger a thought in your mind that maybe sounds like, Hey, am I an outcast or a left out? No worries, I tell myself often, that might not be true, although it seems true, sounds true or feels true.

It's tiring to think that every single moment. So let's take a step back from those nasty thoughts and look on the bright side, trust your friends. If you get hurt in the future, then they are the losers who judge people instead of accepting them for who they are.

:)

Resolve/ Resolution.

Two ways, resolving a problem, creating a resolution to prevent similar occurrence.

Problem:
Temperature sticker goes into the washing machine together with the shirt due to negligence. Seek for help from supposed-to-be-matured-adult. Get pissed on and help not even given after mini lecture. Problem solved after some time spent by individual. Disappointment towards specific adult has grown throughout, at a shocking rate.

Resolution:
Grow up, be more mature. Be independent. Seek help from no one but yourself.

One small incident can bring out a great change in people. That's what happened. Sad, but true.

Beautex.

3 ply pure pulp special tissue, soft and comfortable for usage.
2 ply, average quality.
1 ply, rough and thin, quality sucks like hell but people still buy them.

$1 for 3 packets of tissues.
$1.2 for 3 packets of tissues.
Prices increase by old aunties who sell them. People buy the tissue if they sympathise them for requiring to work despite their old age/aging bodies.

I feel evil for typing that whole chunk of rubbish.

Life is wonderful. Life is special. So please, whoever who has the power, take back the H1N1 before it worsens and causes the death of more.

ASDFGHJKL

Great! The picture for Yes Man! poster is up again! Hip hip, HOORAY!
I wanna watch 17 again! Zac Efron got the classic handsome look of men in the 60's or 70's or 80's? Either one! :)
Confessions of a Shopaholic is damn funny. Totally love the dancing part. :D

I read the book too, but I think both the movie and book has their own style. So please don't put them together and compare so much. :( Her baby is damn adorable. :DAnyone agrees that Amy Adams and Isla Fisher look alike?

Aw, shuddap, its not that long!

This video is taken from www.simplystreep.com :)
Oh boy, now I know why I love her so much. Just look at her and listen to her humor! Hahaha!

Freaky is the new cute.

Look at the "No way man!" post, that's what you get when the picture is taken online and can't be seen anymore. XD

But, it IS a Yes Man! poster. :)

Test was kind of bad, Okto!Live at MediaCorp was boring, project meeting was dominated!! Aliens attack! By the way, I will introduce Alfred, soon. ;)

AND OH, DOUBT! (eyes shines at thought)

Providing Effective Leadership.

That's the chapter I'm having a test on tomorrow.

A friend told me today, "No matter how good you are to them, they'll only remember the bad." Or something like that. It makes sense though, but I still believe in being good to others, I think. I'll try to do that, but whether or not I succeed, it depends. :S

Back to studying! D:

No way, man!

Oh great, I actually managed to miss Yes Man! Yes, I'm disappointed about it, but on the other hand, I would trying getting this movie with other means. (Yes, I'm not saying what way I am using.)

2009 has been quite kind to me, and I am very thankful for that. This year started well for me and I've learnt quite a few things about life:

- I have friends who appreciate me and accepted me for who I was. A really big thank you to them. I am really grateful towards them. I'll try to improve and be a better person before things happen again. (Touch wood.) I must learn to not talk but listen and keep quiet more often.

- Being 18 is no big deal, especially when your birthday happens in November. Only in November, I'll be of legal age. Now, I can only see everyone around me buy stuff like alcohol while I sulk. Haha! It's not that bad, I can get people to buy it for me instead. But, it's an additional step needed. Oh well~

- Rich people don't always live in a big room and have a huge bed, especially when you are in another country and staying with your relatives. I was kind of shocked. I didn't expect such a small space, but I have to admit it is kind of cosy. Although it is a small room, things inside worth a bomb considered to those of my room. What can I expect? :)

- Life is supposed to be stressful for me now, like it is for everyone in my class. However, I am not feeling the pressure yet, and I wonder if it is a good sign or not. I am not stressed, but there are 7 ICAs (aka projects and tests) coming up soon, very soon. Right after those seven, my exams will be tagging along. I need to work harder.

A note to myself: I wanna meet Meryl Streep and chat with her about everything under the sun/moon/stars/planets/milkyway/blackhole or whatever, just everything. :(